I was brave until…

I was brave.

I’ve never been truly afraid of something — despite of God, definitely. As you always remind me. That nothing can hold me on except my own thoughts and mind that limit it. Failure is surely not a huge deal — it’s just a part of growing up that we need to befriend with. Since you’re gone, I just think that I wasn’t this brave anymore, Ma.

I feel sick. Super sick. Unbearable pain that I wonder what it actually is. I just remember that every time I suffered, you always experienced the same. Our physical and emotional senses just synced magically. You knew how resilience I was to any kind of problems but now just way different, Ma. The pain just seems worse without you to share the tears with.

Ma, am I going to be okay?

Am I going to stay here longer to take care of dad and everyone whom I love?

I don’t know what the future will be as I never expected what happened quickly to yours.

I just wish that you would come to my dream tonight and whispered to me that “Everything’s gonna be okay, Nin.”

It’s been more than a month and there’s never been a day without me missing you. I miss you as I always do love you.

Ps: I miss Papa too, Ma. But due to this Corona thing, I still couldn’t be with him. Hence Restu is here taking care of me real good. You can thank him and his parents later.

Kuala Lumpur, 270220

Midnight with Nina